Friday, January 2, 2009

Fire in the Hole!

*SPOILER- Gross out potential below!*

The New Year normally equates change for most of us, but some things never the world-famous 7-alarm chili Monica and I make. Ok, only three or four households know its existence, but it's good DANG chili! After all the holiday feasts and treats why not start the year with a BANG of some chili?! We're all stuffed and puffed anyway, right? Calls for a good gastric clean out and a fantastic bowl of chili is just the answer! It tastes a lot better than that nasty jug of pseudo juice* the doctor would give you and works much faster! Proof being Mon is probably running for a bathroom right now just reading this intro...sorry, Mon. WARNING-Double check you are NOT nearly out of TP before you attempt to make chili!

It's really easy- brown some ground turkey, add some onions, lots of chili powder, sometimes a handful of diced green peppers, some cayanne thrown in for good measure, couple cans of Bush's best chili beans, dark kidney beans, pinto beans, large tom sauce, some beef broth, a spash of milk (makes it creamy and cuts down on the heartburn..really, it does... tablespoon of sugar because Grandma T says so, more chili powder and you have Y-U-M in just an hour! Let it simmer a bit longer to fill the entire house up with gut-ripping chili-tastic smell! Watch the family appear instantly in the kitchen, bowls and spoons in hand, drooling like no food has crossed their lips for six months.
--There goes Mon to the bathroom again.

This time I added some leftover deer loin Mr. FixIt had cooked a few days ago, ripped it into small chunks. Very tender, very yummy!
--Mon runs again to the bathroom at this point because she doesn't like venison, lol.

Fill your bowl, grab a handful of Fritos to dip with or a fresh baked chunk of cornbread and woohooo!! Let the burn begin!! Even Mr. FixIt can usually only handle one large bowl. You'll need some napkins and be forewarned that belching could be hazardous to those around you. All candles and open flames should be extinguished!

During this evening's chili fest, Monster Man excused himself from the table, bowl of chili not even half gone, "I think I need to go..." Works like a CHARM, did I not tell you?! The poor boy darts for the bathroom, both hands on his lower cheeks, shouting, "My bottom's gonna 'splode!!" Thankfully he made it just in time. Whew! Not long after we finished, Mr. FixIt's innards had marinated long enough to force the rest of us out of the den, running for gas masks and Oust spray. ~GAG~ Yes, this chili is worth running around the house with kleenex stuffed up your nose for a few post-dinner hours until the stench clears. Really.

Moral of the story is, no matter the stomach pain, trips to the bathroom, or cans of Oust spray we go through, "chili night" will alwasy be part of this family. I don't expect that to EVER change.

*I do honestly know the real name/s for "pseudo juice" but they didn't have quite the same ring in that sentence. :-D

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