Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Starting over

Well, it's done. Mr. FixIt moved out this past weekend fulfilling the decision we made months ago that 'we' were over.  Have been over for a long time, despite continuing to TRY to trust and love- it just wasn't how it should be or maybe could have been, who knows? Maybe not? Maybe truly was never meant to be as this problem between us has been ongoing for so many years.  Many things I wish I'd done differently over all that time, but I have to look to the future, be thankful for my kids, thank the stubborn family genes and determination for not letting me give up easily and take the whole thing as a learning experience.   So that's that. It will be a few months before it's official, but in my heart it's been done for a loooong time- scary to admit that now. 
  The kids had a rough weekend with all of it even though they have also known about this for over a month.   I think taking the kids to visit family Friday and Saturday helped (while he did some packing/moving). The yearly dance Christmas party helped to take their mind off the situation Sunday afternoon, though both kids sobbed the whole way there.  Breaks your heart to look at them so upset, mostly because they don't really understand. They know their dad and I have had differences, but to them, he's just gone- it doesn't matter why.  Ugh.  Sunday night we watched a movie with some popcorn, piled on the couch together.  Popcorn makes everything better :-D One day they will realize this was best- that mom shouldn't be a zombie from worry & lack of sleep, or feeling like she's lost and being only a small part of the whole person she can be. They deserve better than that- so do I.  Finally learning that...took me long enough!! ;-)

Hope everyone is doing well and getting ready for Christmas!   Oddly enough, in the middle of a potential stressful situation I've had a couple of great weeks- best I've had in years!  I believe it's only going to get better from here... :-D

Love y'all,

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