Why do I do this?? Why do I torture myself with printed material?? I have a kid-free weekend thanks to Mr. FixIt taking the kids to my sister's so he and BIL can play with building supplies and power tools, I have work out my ears to be done, taxes that I started 3 weeks ago...still unfinished, and my office looks like a Sears Tower size paper shredder took a dump all over it, but with all that to tackle and no kids or DH in sight to distract me, I wound up in Border's yesterday after running my kid-free errands (thanks Queen B, my sister) and bought "Divine Secrets of Ya Ya Sisterhood" in paperback for $2. Came home, made myself some shrimp and pasta with yummy Alfredo sauce and started reading about 8 oclock. I finished it about 3 am. Yes, I read the whole damn book and boohoo'd my flippin' head off through most of it. Why?? I know the story, I've seen the movie many, many times. I still cry when I see the movie so why torture myself with the actual written version?? I filled two trash cans full of Kleenex in the process and at 3 am realized I have no work to show for the evening, hadn't even TOUCHED my work computer, and now I have a blistering headache and probably throw myself into a sinus infection...oh yeah and it's 3 am. So much for sleep, crap! So I took some Tylenol and Sudafed and crashed in the bed at 3:30 propped up on 3 pillows so I hopefully wouldn't suffocate from or drown in my self-induced clogged head. I woke up at 7:30 with the dog whining downstairs he had to GO, like NOW! So I let him out and scared myself on the way past the bathroom. My head looks like I've been pummeled by Sugar Ray Leonard, eyes so puffy I can hardly see and breathing through my nose is not an option. Nice. So I went back to sleep propped on the couch. Back to the why question, which I guess should be why do I beat myself up for doing something I want? I don't sit down to actually read a book very often, because 1- I love to read and 2 - I know because of #1 once I start I can't stop. The last book I read, a couple months ago, "I Walked the Line" by Vivian Cash I read in about a day and a half. Before that, Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series #3 (I think it was early summer) and I read that in about 4 or 5 hours. Like I know I need to read "just a little more..ok, another 30 minutes... oh another hour and I'll put it down...hmm, not much more now, I'll just finish it. I guess it's the back of my brain telling me if I stop, I know I'll never get back to it. Mr. FixIt has often said, "you are entitled to a night off you know. You are allowed to have some time for yourself." Yeah, yeah, but when I do, I only get mad at myself for wasting time that I could have been doing other things that need done. How screwed up is that?? Is this a mom thing that you have to lash the whip at yourself and get 100 things done a day to feel "worth it" and accomplished? Or is this a unique foul up in my thinking? I probably will never know but I really wish I could take a night/day off without feeling utter guilt and worthlessness.
So now that I have beat myself up about my prior evening and spewed the details out for y'all, I am going to get some work done. Yesterday is over and I can't pity party about it any more. T minus 6 hours before Mr. FixIt and the offspring return so I have to kick some serious a$$ this afternoon.
Oh, for those of you who DO enjoy reading w/o burden of guilt, "Divine Secrets" was awesome! (I'm as late on reading books as I am in watching movies. I know it's been out forever, lol) It was amazing. Of course the book has much more "meat" in it than the movie; so many more adventures of the Ya-Yas, troubles of Vivi and in-depth info on her mother Buggy. The order of events are a little different and several memories from Sidda's point of view. The movie would have been 8 hours long if they'd have stuck to the book, no lie. I was blown away by just the first couple chapters, mostly not mentioned in the movie. Just round up a Kleenex box and some decongestant before you start...you'll need it!