Wednesy Wackday

That's exactly how the day started and ended...as screwed up as a football bat.   Started it ticked off,  ended it crying.  Not one of my finest.  Somewhere in the middle I managed to make coffee early and fell back asleep until it was off and cold, forgot to make two phone calls I should have for the past three days,  realized I hadn't even set foot in the laundry room for two days and still as I type this hadn't been in there yet,  YELLed at Monster Man and in total toddler fashion threw a fit- two counting blocks across a room to which he said 'That was AWESOME!" so I sent him to his room while I locked myself in a dark bathroom fighting to not flush my own head down the toilet,  I totally forgot to pay a bill and mother TRUCKER I am renewing that dang library book RIGHT NOW.....
Ok, done.  I should have purchased the library children's wing as it would probably have been cheaper!!  

Not to be outdone, Mother Nature is giving it both barrels today with high winds, dropping temps and blowing snow. Lovely. Thankfully she's dished out over a foot on my sister in NY instead of here- thank GOD for small favors! Hehe Love ya, J.

Mr. FixIt and I seem to be back to 'don't ask, don't tell' regarding what's bothering me or when things come up that we SHOULD be talking about.  Hence the crying end to this crappy day.  Having some after-kids-go-to-bed  ah hem ...exercise when emotion overtook me and all I could do was heaving sobs with 'who else?' and 'did the others get this?' running through my head. I mean seriously. Did they entertained by a get-er-done short version, some wham-bam thank ya ma'am quickie or did they get what I get? My time and attention?  How much of what is OURS has he given to others??? Then I got pissed off.  Then back to trying NOT to cry.   Did I say anything, did any of these questions dive from my brain and out my mouth??  Heck no, of course not!  Totally clammed up. Did he ask what was bothering me??  Nope. He did say he was sorry for making me cry. And what did I respond... "No, it's ok." Whiskey Tango Foxtrot....WAKE up DIPSHIT and SPILL IT!!  Nope. Nada. Zilch.  End of conversation. T minus 45 seconds to commence male snoring....................................................................................
annnnnd he's out.  And I'm down here slugging on my poor Macbook what my vocal cords could not formulate in person.  AAARRGGHHH!! Frustrating!

Maybe I need my meds adjusted or something. Looking back I am seriously swinging from pathetic cryer to outright wench, even with the kids Especially Monster Man. My patience has grown so thin with that boy and his school work. I have to keep taking a breath and reminding myself that being my kid is making lessons more difficult a task than being someone else's kid. Then try to think of strategy #458 to keep him focused and progressing in school work and game plan #7762 for his behavior.  I think God's sense of humor has become severely twisted.

With Mr. FixIt, sap mode to evil wench mode seems to flip flop at record speeds. Last week, he came home from hunting with B early (I just felt deflated and wanted to cry though I was proud of my girl for her first gun hunt) because they were the only two left to hunt and he said, "I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to spend some time I have off with you too!"           Really?? Didn't want to be alone, did you??  How about the days, mornings, nights I was alone while you were out screwing some chick?? Hmmm?? What about our quality time that is forever lost because you stayed at work long hours to hump the office whore??   As usual, none of those thoughts came out vocally,  just in my head. The broken record of self-torture when I think he fully deserves to hear all that, yet I have a hard time saying so.   Why??  Would someone please explain that to me??  It makes absolutely not a lick of sense. 

Maybe tomorrow will be better! :-D I shouldn't gripe because it could be a LOT worse. In a hundred ways worse.   To give tomorrow a decent shot I need sleep, so I'm off.  Thanks for the ears, er..um... eyeballs.  :-D

Friday Fill-Ins

While cupcakes bake, I'm not missing Friday Fill-Ins this week!
Courtesy of Janet-


1. We need __a whole bunch of holiday spirit!! A couple thousand bucks to fall out of the sky would be nice too. hehe
2. _Talked to an old friend_ and it made me smile.
3. If you want _something done, get off your arse and DO IT!
4. __I'm a spazz at the moment_ because _I have 278 things on my to-do list for today to get ready for the next week. I'm on #4_.
5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think ___WTH?? I don't plan on ever living in Mass. or having $$$ or interest to DO any of those surgeries___.
6. __The kids excited (and my house in decent shape)_ makes for a happy holiday.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to __watching the kids dance and packing for next week___, tomorrow my plans include _having a great early holiday dinner/visit with the other half's family__ and Sunday, I want to _relax in the evening at the barn after truckin' the kids, dog and boatload of crap to West-by God-Virginy!!

Any clues??

Why do I start projects the day before Mr. FixIt is due home from being out of town- when I've had all week?? Procrastination at its finest!! :-D

Monster Man's room has irked me since we moved in. Light blue carpet and the walls are slate gray with a grayish-blue sponge paint/swirly/splash overtop. It seriously clashes with the carpet...unless you stand all the way down the hall and look from afar, it kind of works. Also, it looks like a cave in there because of the dark, dingy colors. Several trips over the past couple years to Lowe's the kids and I have looked over paint colors. He STILL chooses red, he wants fire-engine red. Wow. So I talked him into using red with another color to liven and brighten it up. Don't want the room to turn into a RED cave.

Did I mention I started this project after re-arranging Monster Man's room?? Yeah, two walls clear, might as well paint! So after a day of cleaning, rearranging and painting, I have two walls done, one wall waiting second coat and the last wall half trimmed out. Need to second coat the second wall (long wall) and let it dry so I can move furniture and GET to the last wall to work on it.

During this little project I have discovered the reason not only for the sponge paint job, but also the two tone color. Hides 40 bazillion holes in the wall and the craptastic job someone did of removing, I assume, old wallpaper. Big rip slashes and chunks where the top layer of the drywall has been literally ripped off the walls. Nice. VERY noticeable when you cover with one solid color. Great. So I got the putty out and filled holes for over an HOUR after doing the first coat on the two walls. No lie. For missing chunks/layers of wall, a truck load of putty and a scraper the size of a coffee table might do the trick. So leveled and evened it out best I could with what coordination I had at 2 am. It will have to do. I see some humongous posters in Monster Man's future!

Alrighty, my break is over. I need to get a second coat on that long wall so it has time to dry so I can move furniture and get the last wall done - before dance tonight at 6! :-D

Hodge podge

Monster Man has been on a roll lately, evident in his assortment of Good and Not Good evening tally marks of the renewed behavior chart. For N days (not good) he has to go to bed early, no evening treat or special event the next day. Thankfully, by the third week of the resurrected behavior chart, he's had more G days, but the N days-wow. Insane. In attempts to have a 'G day,' Monster Man shocked me one morning by being up early, WITH his school books open and working! The boy had six school books open to the correct pages in the den floor, moving from one to the next. He did have the TV on, which is a no-no during school time, but as he was doing work without me threatening him within an inch of his life nagging and being mean mom/teacher, I let him go and redirected him to the table after break. On the negative, he was a pistol Saturday morning! AAARRGGHHH!! I held off strangling him in front of his dance team buddies- four N's (not good) on his behavior board in two hours. He went directly to his room until lunch was ready. That afternoon and evening was much improved. Sunday night, he drew a picture for me on his way to bed. Literally, grabbed the paper from the school shelf and pencil from the table, sitting down to draw on the living room floor in the path to the stairs. Two little stick people, one slightly taller than the other, holding hands with a heart above them. He brought it to me, "This is me and you because I love you Mom. I'm gonna have a G day tomorrow!" Just melted me. Little fart.
The kicker- this morning after the first round of school work, he announced he was going to the basement to play trains. Our basement is the equivalent of a ToysRUs that upchucked the Thomas Train and Play-doh sections in the plastic food aisle. Throw in a few huge Rubbermaid tubs, toy boxes, misc DVDs racking up my overdue tab from the Library. Cleaning the basement usually means several pick up race games which gets about half of it, then a second and sometimes third cleaning session of fussing, growling and frustration. Today, after hearing nothing but whistling, tracks being moved and singing, I was summoned to come look. Lo and behold, the basement floor was clean with the exception of a very interestingly and well-put together train track!! WOW- I was shocked and Monster Man was beaming!
Color the day a victory! Whew.


I talked to Mr. FixIt tonight from more than halfway round the world. He sounded tired and he's only been gone three days. He's been from meeting, to dinner, to presentation, getting very little sleep, to meeting...GOOD. They're keeping him busy! HA! Hehehe. He'll probably feel bad when he finds out I did leaves again today- until he realizes working on the yard consisted of me burning about a half tank out of the mower, mulching and bagging it! Woohoo! He knows better than to leave yard toys and power tools behind. I'll use them!

Very thankful for the recent beautiful days- awesome!! Took advantage of the not-yet-gloomy mornings to take down and wash curtains and windows in the living and dining rooms over the weekend. YUK- they seriously needed it! I gave the LR and DR a good dusting and B helped vac. The den is next on the list. I've had the house open as much as I can, at least until evening. Not sure smacked motivation into me, but over this gorgeous weekend, the kids and I also stripped/swapped all the bedding and ran about 3 bazillion loads of laundry. Somebody'd better check my temp- I must be feverish.

Shoulda cont'd & Life

(Keep in mind, this was written in early summer. Time to get it out!)

Originally, I didn't care who knew the details of me kicking out Mr. FixIt and our separation, but something has kept me from finishing a post about it. Maybe as much as I was pissed off, hurt and wanted to inform the world, the fight in my heart that I still love him made me hold off. I don't have the foggiest clue WHY as much as he's crapped on my love and trust, not to mention my self-esteem, my thoughts and well, me. I can't even explain why'd I'd still SPEAK to him!! Glutton for punishment I guess. Or way too forgiving and plain stupid. Take your pick! :-D So to sum it up: Cheating, lying, denial- repeat many episodes for many years. Now for the second half of Days of My Life... Ugh.

For years the cheating occurred when he was traveling, or when I was out of town. One example: I drove my baby 11 hours by myself through crappy weather from SC to OH to be with family on Easter and 5 minutes after I was gone he was arranging a meeting online. I called him on that one before Monster Man was even a thought. He denied anything going on, but I had the adult forum chat room proof. Proof he was online chatting up people and making dates, meeting people. He still denied it. I was crushed, a total wreck, though I never told anyone. Figured it was my fault. I shouldn't have left for the holiday without him ( he HAD to work.) I couldn't let my family and friends think bad of him, so I kept quiet. Then after another year or so, time had smoothed it over a bit when more evidence popped up. Letters. Cards. Emails. Calls to MY house. More denial. More disassociation. I just felt more guilt and low. Not long after this was when I figured out- it wasn't me. I'd done everything I possibly could to avoid giving him a reason to look elsewhere for ANYTHING. I'd busted my ass, taken care of house/kids/dogs/yard while he was out of town for days/weeks/months on end, made sure I gave plenty of bedroom time- even when sick or dead on my feet, I always tried to be positive, I didn't nag for him to do things, I didn't yell or fuss at him. If he was frustrated I gave him space. If he needed some time on his own for hunting or cars or motorcycle rides, I never complained- even when he was gone all week working, come home Friday night and then leave 4 am Saturday for a weekend of hunting. Yes, he did hunt- that one was not a cover, but it WAS an escape. Funny part was my BIL and his best friend, whom he spent all these weekends with getting hunting property ready and hunting all fall and winter, had NO clue any of this had happened. He was seriously shocked. Mr. FixIt was indeed VERY secret in his 'other life.'


Now?? After being gone for about 6 weeks, I asked Mr. FixIt to move back home...with condition that 1. Therapy continues. 2. Progress he/we are making will continue. He's gotten enough free passes so I'm not putting up with, "ok I can quit fixing it, I'm back home." If something bothers one of us, we have to discuss it. The therapist put it this way. We had so much time apart in the beginning, that's how we dealt with difficult times- apart, so we never really learned to discuss them. Tough times including his acting on his impulsive drive, constant need for attention

Also 'house' duties are being more evenly divvyed up. I am horrible at asking for help, because dangit, I can just do it myself!! I HAVE had to do it all myself for years. (not because he won't but from him being gone) He never hesitates to do anything I ask and often will load/unload dishwasher, even swap or fold laundry once in a blue moon on his own. He does cook quite often. Too often the 'man eyes' that don't see the stuff on the floor, glasses by the chair, odds-n-ends piling up in various corners and counters that get my blood boiling as it piles up and makes me crazy to get it all taken care of. Well, we discussed this and he admits he is horrible at noticing 'things' that need done. So he will try to notice what needs done around the house and help in more, and I will speak up when he doesn't! So far I have tried, though hard to do this after biting your tongue for years on end. I can be a tad stubborn too.

There are still many things I need him to admit to me, in detail. After tossing him out, he confirmed several of the events and meetings I'd suspected from years ago, previously denied. Though he's afraid divulging details will be too painful to me-- not knowing is far worse. I can't get him to understand that. He says details are painful to admit- tough caca dude. Should have thought of that before! So events I know, all the details of such events I don't yet. I want the when, where, what, etc. His therapist says the details won't make a difference, but to me it does. It may not do him good to hash it back out- too freakin' bad. He spent too many years of our life doing what he wanted. Time to MAN UP and confess. I want to know. I need to know. No matter how horrible or hard to hear. My brain has all sorts of ideas of what COULD have happened. I have a pretty vivid and creative imagination! The details are pretty ugly as I think they might have occurred. What he finally did admit to, though pathetic and repulsive, have been more tame and less occurring than I'd imagined. A few meetings here and there over several months' time, when my brain was stuck on daily/weekly trysts. Of course since he'd denied any wrongdoing for years, what was I to think?? I always had that 'gut' feeling on and off and according to those, I knew WHEN the infidelity struck, so far what he has admitted- I was right. I was always afraid to push the issue farther than just asking. He'd deny. I'd fold but knowing I wasn't getting the truth but terrified to continue; the 'truth' might be he didn't want me or love me and he'd leave. I'd grown up with Dad always telling me, that's not good enough, you CAN do better. I felt like I was still stuck I the same rut. I just wasn't good enough for him to love me, just me. I had to keep trying- it must be my fault. Those thoughts compiled in my brain and kept getting heavier and harder to get out from under after so many years. Again- my fault, right? I should be able to shake this off- right?

At least that's what I talked myself into for so long. Shaking it off, moving on. Whatever finally snapped in my head and decent medication later- I KNOW it's not just me. I might be submissive and avoid confrontation at all costs but years of trying to please him and sacrificing myself contributed to that mindset. He made me that way. (My father has to take a good chunk of that blame also.) Now I understand it.


His other life is out in the open now and no longer secret. He's even told people at work about it, which completely shocked me. He's talked to our neighbors and my family. He does seem serious about getting better, though the therapy, talking to me and not hiding things. I hope so. 'bout dang time!!

Unlocking the skeletons

Three posts looming back in Finish Me PLEEEEASE Land will hopefully show up soon.  They are similar in content, but I started each with different attitude and mindset. The first one I began in a flurry of frustration, added to it, kept going back to try and finish it. About a month later, frustrated with it, I started over again with a new post.  Worked on it a few times, then ditched it too. A month after THAT, a third post was attempted, until today, still unfinished.  These are parts of an explanation of our family chaos this summer, at times when I just needed to get that garbage OFF my chest and out of my head. In recent attempts to salvage my musings, I combined two of them. What remains overlaps a bit here and there. Still have half a notion to just delete them. 

My! What big teeth you have!

My! What big teeth you have!
Originally uploaded by Angela's chaos

The dinosaur exhibit at the zoo would no doubt be fun for the kids! Even better than seeing near life-size moving replicas of extinct critters was that these prehistoric beasts were dressed up for Halloween! Was pretty comical. Ok, well the toddlers viewing didn't think so. Many a little one ran to moms and dads screaming in fear of their lives as the dinosaurs moved, roared and spit water at them. Poor things. Monster Man kept telling them, "They are fake! You won't die!" Ha! Oh yeah, they GET THAT. Sure.
I tried not to laugh.

More fun pics with big beasts wearing party hats, coconut bras and hula skirts will be forthcoming.

Friday Fill Ins

From Janet at Friday Fill-Ins:


1. The crickets sing, loudly during a clear night, making me fall asleep quickly.

2. _Good friends will always find you wherever you are.

3. I want to get far away from the _negative thinking in my head.

4. __I had small back end and my bills were paid_; this was OBVIOUSLY a dream.

5. But as for me _I need to get my butt in gear and snap out of this FUNK!

6. __A very small football town and a good-sized fun family is where I come from.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _enjoying another round of family Wii games then watching L&O, tomorrow my plans include _taking the kids to dance rehearsal then uploading and working with some pictures and Sunday, I want to watch movies and bake a red velvet cake_!


Sheesh! That group of fill-ins was fairly difficult to do! Thanks Janet for making me think...I think.

Elwood

One goofy story deserves another so I might as well tell you an Elwood tale, Jake's brother (seriously) our other kitty.

When the weather first turned cold, you know that NE Ohio cold where you need the heat for a week then ~shock~ you need to go back to AC for a week, then bitter cold the next day?? Yeah, that weather... well, it was a Saturday morning, drizzly rain and just a bit chilly outside. It was just before 8 o'clock, and as we were getting dressed I heard Elwood give his "I'm STARVING!!" meow, which is a horrible drawn out cry that he usually gives from the basement or top of the basement stairs. The cat food is in the basement, accessed by a kitty door, safe from the dog. I said to Mr. FixIt, "He must really be starving. I can hear him all the way up here from the basement!" It was a far off, muted meow but definitely Elwood. Mr. FixIt replies, "He did that at 4:30 this morning, a couple times. Woke me up, and I told him to 'Knock it Off!! You're not going to starve to death by morning!" We laughed at our gluttonous kitty, he's ALWAYS starving. His bottomless pit rivals Monster Man's. Finishing up, quick brush through my hair and flip it up into a clip, I hear Elwood cry again, "I'm comin', I'm comin'! Jeesh!" and as I turn to head out of the room, I see a shadow in the window. OMG it's Elwood. OUTSIDE!! He on his hind legs on the roof, paws up on the window meowing to "LET ME IN!!" He never was in the basement! Our bedroom is second floor, over the garage and den, set back a bit, so there is garage roof visible/accessible from outside our window.

Mr. FixIt and I look at each other and crack up, "You said you heard him at 4:30?!"
"Uh, yeah."
"So he's probably been out there on the roof in the wind and rain since then?"
"Uh, yeah. Stupid cat."
Both of us crack up hysterically as I opened the window and let my poor nitwit cat back in to warmth.
Elwood didn't appear to be any worse for wear. A little cold and wet, but he was fine. He followed my downstairs to fresh food and a big drink of water. Apparently screaming outside for 4 hours makes you thirsty. whoops.

We never did figure out how he got on the roof, but he hasn't been found up there since. Lesson learned...the cold, rainy, lonely way. Poor kitty.

Little Jake

The past few nights have been a mix of torture and hilarity. Torture as in being brought from a deep sleep by "BEEP....BEEP, BEEP....BEEP....BEEP, BEEP" after finally achieving slumber having spent the first three hours exhausting myself in and out of near-sleep twitching and jumping like I had ants crawling over my skin. The unrest due to either an afternoon of sitting in the car and/or forgetting my meds- either way, when I was jolted out of the bed by the loudly squealing series of beeps, I was simultaneously concerned and ticked off. Grab a robe and slowly work my way toward the sound, ok now the noise is coming in to focus, it's coming from the Pit- the noise is my Dell laptop. I can see the glimmer of screen lighting the room but a big shadow looming in front- what the??? Very loud 'Me-OOOW' and more beeping. You dipshit cat- ugh!! He had been sleeping then apparently grooming himself on my open laptop which I DID shut down before I went to bed, but I never closed the lid. I haven't the lid of that machine for over 6 years, unless it's in my bag, which is rare. Nice one of the cats decided it's a suitable place for a nap and a bath, in doing so he not only turned it ON, he managed to click "Guest" to log on to windows, then open about 20 windows and boxes including the command prompt, which THANK goodness he didn't manage to hit 'enter' with all the jibberish typed in the run line. The beeping was from the computer asking for password to come out of screensaver. He'd typed enough letters that it filled the "user" name box and was denying him entry. Little monster Jake.

Bad enough it happened two nights ago. It happened again last night. DUH, someone slap me. Though it didn't take me as long to figure out the beeping noises the second time, it still made me grumble at first but laugh as I rescued my computer from an in-progress kitty bath. Mr. FixIt laughed as I returned to bed, "Did you shut the lid this time?"
"Yes, shut up. How about some cold feet on your butt!?" as he chuckles and rolls over.

I assume Jake was enjoying the warm surface of my keyboard. Then again, the laptop is the only clean level surface in the Pit that won't avalanche if a gnat breathes heavily in the vicinity. Maybe I need to work on that this evening. Or maybe I'll just close the laptop lid and worry about the Pit tomorrow. :-D

ETA: If anyone needs their computer clock adjusted or wireless card enable/disabled, I'll send Jake right over. After writing this post on the Mac, I fired up the Dell and realized he ALSO managed to disable my wireless card, change my clock to a day ahead and somehow disconnect my USB keyboard. Nice.

There goes summer!

October already?! Six+ weeks MIA. Wow, I'm seriously slack around here! If this was fairy tale land, I could say my house is spic-n-span, my laundry is all caught up, and you can see floor and desk surface in The Pit from my absence, but alas it is not and you can't. OH WELL- what else would I do if I didn't have these daily things to keep slogging away at? Sit in the sun and eat bon bons?? HA! Not happening. Temps have dropped significantly and my butt doesn't need any help in the widening department. ;-P

Something I did accomplish was finally changing my bedroom around. I drug out the huge headboard/footboard to use a simple bed frame instead. That frees up about 8 inches in width and 10 inches head to foot from the bed in our small bedroom. Amazing the difference those few inches make! Also jockeyed things around to put Mark's side of the bed towards the window (cold side) of the room and swapped dressers to opposite walls. We actually have FLOOR space in there now, though probably the only one using that space will be my baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and the dog to stretch out at night. She loves the space- now if I don't break my neck tripping over her in the middle of the night! If our room didn't have its own door to the bathroom, I'd swapped rooms with B as her bedroom is bigger than ours, but I do like handy dandy bathroom access. No, I'm not spoiled at all. Oh, final touch of the bedroom swap-a-roo was putting my heated mattress pad back on the bed and dragging out my heavy down comforter- JUST in time as temps dipped to near freezing last night. Ahhh, nothing like hitting the hay in an already warm comfy bed!

Ok, there I've blogged. Bored you with insignificant details of my absence. I'm alive. The scary part of my absence?? I started to hand write a journal...that lasted three whole days and my handwriting sucks after all these years of typing. Didn't take long to ditch THAT idea.

Blah

Allergy drainage is getting to me. Very little sleep last night. I'm a zombie. Nieces headed this direction, festival this weekend, then headed to mom & dad's- all things I've really been looking forward to and I feel like a gunked up slug. I don't want to get off this chair. I really don't want to go swap laundry. I really, really don't want to drag some of it outside to the line. I don't much want to go upstairs and work on the Pit and piles of stuff up there either. Ugh. I do have a contact to call about a jewelry show and I'm excited about that, but that's about the level of my excitement today. Thankfully after more than a week in school work under their belts, the kids can autopilot some lessons- B most of hers and Tyler a few of his- so we don't blow a whole day this early in the game. At least Tyler will bring me his work to check, get direction for the next task, and then go back to work w/o me standing over him. Thank goodness.
Another round of allergy and sinus meds coming up- whew. I think I need a nap.

Picture Pages, Pictures Pages...

The old Cosby morning kid's show has little to do with my post, but it popped into my mind looking at the blank 'title' line and knowing I wanted to ask my bloggy and FB friends about cameras! :-D

There- Tuesday morning trip down memory lane!

So, I have questions about cameras. I have thought for a while now I need to step up from a point-and shoot to an SLR camera. Though in my search at various stores, I've found some point-and-shoot cameras in the $175-$250 range with functions similar to those found on SLRs, such as adjustable ISO- the white balance to brighten a dark shot w/o flash, and lens size/zoom similar to the lens that comes with several SLR cameras. I currently have an HP Photosmart point-n-shoot 8 megapixel, 6x optical zoom (8-48 mm lens) which has been a kick-butt camera! It has taken thousands of pics over the past few years! The problem? I fear it is dying a slow death. For some reason either the image stabilizer w/o flash OR the focus w/o flash has not been working for months. Outside pics or pics in bright light are fine. Pics with flash are fine. If I'm in a dim area and can't use a flash- I be screwed! For example- auditorium where flash is not permitted, such as dance rehearsal, forget it. If I shut the flash off I get blurry pics- it just won't focus. So I end up taking a dark pic, fussing with exposure and lightening options later on the computer (ends up washed out or grainy) OR end up with a fuzzy pic, not worth editing. I assume being dropped a couple times, slammed around in my truck and bags traveling and being sat on a few times has NOT helped this poor camera.

I have been to a few stores trying out various cameras, also online reading reviews, and I believe I have slightly narrowed down to these choices: a Canon 10.1 mp EOS Rebel XS (slr) or comparable Nikon (slr), Canon 12 mp Power Shot, a Nikon 10 mp 15x zoom Coolpix L100, or Kodak Easyshare 10 mp 12x zoom. Comparatively, the Canon and Nikon SLRs have similar features, though the Nikon is cheaper but felt the Nikon had more confusing controls and didn't feel as sturdy.

So I'm in the battle of: Do I want a more compact camera I can slip in my purse easily? Would the additional features/adjustments of the SLRs be enough use to me that would offset the higher price?? Do the higher-end point-and-shoot Kodak or Nikon with adjustment features of SLR w/o removable lenses, but higher cost than compacts be enough?? I would like to have a little more megapixel and a bit more zoom, but I don't necessarily need a separate zoom lens (yet, ha!). I would like to stick with regular battery sizes, AAs in the Nikon versus recharging camera battery of the Canon. Price is a factor, I'm always out for a deal, but maybe it's time to bite the bullet and just go for a larger, better camera? Not that I have $400 or $500 right now to buy a camera anyway! Now I have written this, I need to go back and handle the Nikon Coolpix and Kodak Easyshare, both 10 mgp and more than double zoom what I have now. Both less than half the cost of the Canon EOS Rebel. Decisions, decisions. You should have seen my trying to decide on a new vacuum last year!

As a side note, I love Pioneer Woman's blog and she is an awesome self-taught photographer! Her ranch pics rock! If you haven't read her blog, click her name link above and get acquainted! I want to go live with P-Dub!! Back to topic: She likes the Nikon D70 and D80. She takes awesome pics with that thing! For kicks I might check the price on an older or refurb D70/80 but the D90 is $1100+ on Amazon- WAAAAYYYY WAY out of my price range! YIKES!

I'm interested in what kinds of cameras y'all have and what you think of them. Do you love it, hate it, put up with it because you have it?? Is it a point-and-shoot, an SLR, what brand/model is it?? I need some more opinions!

Start spewing info...ready, set- GO!

It's the MOST wonderful time...of the year!

Truthfully, this time of year consists of tons of work to be done, but my favorite back-to-school commercial was years ago for Staples with the dad riding the cart down the aisles to the Christmas tune..."It's... the... MOST wonDERful time... of the YEAR!" and the kids dragging behind.
(click link to see commercial on YouTube)

Though I'm not sending mine OFF every day to school which was the whole reason that commercial at the end of summer was always hysterical, but it still makes me laugh. Yes, I tortured my kids and made them start lessons today. B even woke up early to get busy and was mostly done by 10 am. Monster Man didn't give too much fuss as he's super excited to be a first grader now! He will have double the work load from last year which will be an adjustment for him time-wise, but the smart little stinker can handle it- as long as I can keep him focused! That will be my chore for the year.

So this busy month of the year includes getting school started, dance intensives, reunions, cousins visiting, last minute vacations, church festivals---whew!! Time to buckle in and hang on!!

Tomorrow

Though tomorrow is technically today, I haven't been to bed yet, so it will still be tomorrow. Sorry, one screaming headache and head full of snot from crying, one glass of wine plus one black cherry fizz cooler and I'm numb if nothing else.

I have given myself future time to think about what I really want since I made Mr. FixIt move out (yes, again) tonight. The kids were upset of course though neither one of them flinched as he was loading his car with bags and suitcases- they are too use to him leaving. Ironic, eh? Though when he called them into the den to talk with them, B said, "you aren't going to the apartment again are you??" Ugh. Well, as sad and as shocked as her face was with his answer, she was MORE shocked to learn he isn't going to the drag race with us tomorrow. I was originally going to let him take the kids while I stayed home, but thought "why? why should I miss out on a fun day?" Ok, I'm getting sidetracked. I don't regret having him move back in mid-June, I really don't. Though I am bothered that our positive progress in communication up to that point started to dwindle considerably with each passing week he was home. He was paying more attention to me, the kids, continued doing things around the house, but that brick wall was starting to build back up around him. I know the lack of communication is my fault as well- I wasn't asking the questions. I wasn't saying I was bothered as much as I should have. Though he'd been told my two conditions when I originally made him move out in May- get counseling and tell me the truth! (about what he's done over the years). Tonight he finally told me, confirmed some of what I suspected and dispelled others. What sucks is I had to make him leave again to get it out of him! Am I wrong to be bothered by that?? He give me "the story" AFTER he was packed, stuff in the car. Not that giving me details of his past flings would be easy, I knew that. But I certainly didn't expect it to get down to 'get your shit and get out' before I got those answers. Ugh. So now he's gone. I have my answers and as I thought, I'm not any more upset by them. Now maybe I can get over this or work through it. Questioning if I should. Why should I?? I've given my time, my chances. He says he's sorry, truly sorry like he's never understood he could be sorry before. Does sorry cut it?? After six different women over several years, not counting the ones in chats, photo swaps, phone sex, hotel calls, affair web sites, etc. Could I trust him again?? I don't think I could. I know I shouldn't even consider it- is that crazy?! I have over the last month and a half he's been home. I haven't questioned one thing. Though is that enough good behavior to make it worth overlooking many years of infidelity?? Is that fair to him for me to be constantly looking for betrayal?? Is it fair to me to continue looking or think I have to?? I really don't have answers other than I'm seriously fu-bared. Why do those we love the most fling the most jagged daggers???

Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day. Today has sucked dirty dog guts.

Confused

Been a 'blah' few days, well make that weeks/months. I'm stuck in what I think I should do, what I want to do, what I think I need to do. * Ugh. I am horrible at making decisions for normal daily things- this is like torture. I usually think of the positives for every outcome...this time I can only think negatives of the choices I have.

*I have the back story in a prior note, yet unpublished. Every time I work on it and start to publish it, something stops me. I don't know why. So if none of this makes sense, I apologize. I'm getting it out and off my chest in chunks. I just have yet to post the worst portions.

I really don't want to be alone, but I'm my best on my own. Or at least I have been- I've been alone so much of the past decade and a half, those are my most productive times!
I don't want the kids to be upset, but I know they are resilient and will adjust.
I don't want to break off a long marriage, but I can't live always wondering what's happening behind my back.
I don't want to seem I'm giving up, but I feel I've given way too many chances and too much time to a lost cause already.


His weekly therapy was going well since I made him move out middle of May, and we were talking more for a month or so than we had in years--until I told him I wanted him to move back home. After a few weeks being home, he's back to clam-up mode. He did talk with the therapist about filling me in on details which I wanted to know (him not telling me is like still lying, continued denial- he could at least finally tell me the truth). Well two weeks after he worked through the 'details talk' with the therapist to have with me, nothing. I debated asking a question to start the conversation several times, but why should I?? Ok, yes, I'm being stubborn by not initiating the conversation. So he only has to be truthful when I drag it out of him?? Fuck that. He can be a big boy and pony up to all this crap over the years on his own. Well, it hasn't happened yet, though he KNOWS exactly that he needs to get this out and over with. I'm feeling I made a mistake letting him come back home. He helps with the kids. He helps with the house. He's not helping me- he's still not being honest with me. Nothing can be 'worked on' or 'fixed' until everything is on the table. Who, when, where- Is that too much to ask??

Stuffed Pepper Soup

Rainy and cold here in NE Ohio lately- YUK! Weather more reflective of chilly spring makes perfect opportunity for some Stuffed Pepper Soup, which I have to thank my mom for passing on the recipe. Very easy, yummy enough that my picky child will even eat it!

1 to 2 lbs browned ground lean meat
--I use 2 lbs because we like it meaty! I've used beef, turkey and venison- all good!
2-3 diced green peppers
1/2 to 1 diced onion
--saute peppers and onions in pan with browned meat
Dash of salt and pepper
1 large can of tomato sauce + 1/2 to 1 can water
--if you want to make a large batch to fill a dutch oven/stew pot, add another large can of tom sauce and water, another diced pepper and a quarter to half onion
1 cup spaghetti sauce (mom adds this, but I add a couple shakes of Italian seasoning and pinch of garlic instead unless I have plain spag. sauce leftover.)

Heat to easy boil, then turn back and simmer until ready to eat!

Five minutes before serving, add 1-2 cups of minute rice (2-3 cups if making huge batch) though truthfully, most of the time I totally forget the rice! Ha!

This soup is very good with some white corn chips or cornbread. Mr. FixIt likes to throw some corn in it and about half the rice when he's making dinner.

This recipe is so easy to fit what you have on hand. You can use fresh peppers and onions diced up or you can use bagged frozen ones if you are in a time crunch. I've even used dried onion flakes from the Amish market when totally out of onions. You can also use one large can tomato juice and not add any water in place of tomato sauce. Depends on how thick/thin/tomato-y you like it. Either way you fix it, the whole house smells like yummy stuffed peppers but you don't get any complaints, "MOOOOOOM, I hate the big PEPPERS!" Hehehe!

Enjoy!!

Little helper

Beautiful day to clean up the bikes! This is part of what Monster Man and I did on Friday while B was at horse camp. Pulled out both bikes, washed and got them ready for weekend ride. Though yesterday was rainy and cruddy, and I was out of town anyway, today has some serious potential! Ride anyone??

--Side note- I took this pic with my phone and sent it to my dad- knew he'd be proud of the little man helping out with the motorcycles. The comical part was dad had to go to the phone store to get a new case for his phone, the clerk said, you have something on here a message, and dad told her he didn't know what it was so she opened it for him to view- LMAO!! Dad and technology do mix!

Great day for Tow Path ride!

What a great afternoon for a bike ride! Not too hot, just sunny with slight breeze. Five miles was the course for today. Of course at the turn around, Monster Man wanted to keep going, then as soon as we turned...'my legs are tired!'

Zoo adventures

The beaver exhibit at the zoo was really cool- I could have stayed there all day! The exhibit is within the perimeter of the outdoor wolf area with an enclosed pond encased half in glass so you can see the underwater activities, the den and all the fish and turtles sharing space with the beavers. Very neat!
Yes, that is my son in the background- walking fashion statement.

Sleep in peace my sweet Benny Boy

Did you cry at the end of Old Yeller? If so, drag out your hankies...

Our sweet old Ben left this earth to be with his canine brother and sister in heaven this afternoon. B and Mr. FixIt took it the worst, even knowing for 10 days this afternoon's deed was on the horizon. His joints have been creaking and cracking on him worse than ever, making it hard for him to get out of his bed, and up the two steps into the house at night. Thankfully with warmer weather he's been spared those two steps twice a day for a while now. His eyesight was near gone- that coupled with his excellent hearing meant he barked at most everything lately...until you called his name out the window telling him it was "ok." He'd jump at his own shadow, even bark at us if we walked too far off from him until you said something. Then he'd tuck tail and run to your side, saying "Oh, sorry, I didn't know it was you" with lowered head and sad, cloudy eyes. The kids all know the "Ben rules": Don't get in his face, don't scare him, don't wave toy guns and swords around him, don't grab for him and lately- lock him up (sunporch) when the yard starts filling with kids in case someone slips and forgets he's there. You'd never know he was old from running in the yard nonstop after a tennis ball or a toy! He'd retire a little sooner than in his younger years and his joints creaked and cracked but to see him run in the yard, kids kicking balls for him to fetch- you'd never know he was an old boy. His hearing has never failed him though- when he heard the neighbor dog out (male) he'd stand his ground at the edge of our yard, fiercely protecting the kids- our kids, neighbor kids, me. He played with Lucy but that was the extent of his friendliness toward other animals. He even attacked her a few times, thankfully she would cower and let him win, then slink off out of his way until he'd cooled of and HE initiated a session of keep-away or chase.

Last week- it happened. Kids running through the yard, Ben following behind and the neighbor 4-year-old behind them all. Near the edge of the yard, where Ben cannot pass because of the underground fence, our little neighbor and Ben somehow collided with his teeth in her poor little face. Puncture wounds and instant bruising. B ran to get us yelling that Ben got Hannah and she's really hurt!! Mr. FixIt and I ran out the door to find little Hannah holding her face and Ben running off tail tucked like someone had just shot him- he realized what he'd done. He was as terrified as she was in shock. That poor baby ended up with stitches in two places in her face, which thankfully is healing well and hopefully won't scar. Ben was sentenced to the sunporch for 10 days, death row essentially. He knew he did something wrong. I'd take him out to potty and I'd have to force him away from me to go. He was like glue to my side- he knew. So horrible how he can be so sweet, but yet do something so horrible. The neighbor and I had talked several times. She cried. I cried. Kids cried. Ugh.

Yesterday was the day we've all dreaded. The vet tech cried. B cried. Mr. FixIt cried. I'd shed my tears the night poor little Hannah was bit as I knew right then the end result. Monster Man was upset for B but added some comedic relief. He told the vet that "daddy dug Ben a 'dying hole' in the yard" (if you've seen Madagascar 2, you know what he's referring to) then he hugged B and told her he was sorry, that Ben could fetch all day long in heaven and never get tired. Both kids were present with us and petted Ben as he went to sleep for the last time. No more achy joints. No more jumping in fear at something moving close from behind him. No more being held captive in the sunporch while neighbor dogs are out playing. We buried him with his favorite blanket and a tennis ball.

Ben had survived being abandoned as a pup, overcome a horrifying fear of men, battled heartworms for two years and won, increasingly failing eyesight and drastically worn-down teeth from fetching and chewing 5 bazillion tennis balls over his lifetime. He was a good boy, a very sweet boy. Very hard to let him go. I keep listening for him to jingle his collar at the sliding glass door, wanting someone to come play fetch. I checked on him out of habit this morning- still in shock that he's no longer there.

I'm sure Ben is happy to join Alex and Kari in heaven, the three amigos together again as they had been for more than 10 years. Take care of each other guys- we miss you all.

Time?? Ha!

The past month around here has been a five-ring circus...

I truly intended to finish the "Shoulda" post and I have just been BUSY, but the gist of that post was, I did the most difficult thing of my life and made Mr. FixIt move out. More details forthcoming, but yes, I do honestly love him and I don't doubt he loves me-just some serious issues need worked out. He has still been around for the kids/weekend days/school and dance functions/etc. Though this situation is much more stressful for him than me (too bad), I am doing fine! On top of THAT fuss, in the past several weeks...HOLD THAT THOUGHT!

Ok, I'm back- I had to go log B's last few lessons that are DUE to be logged TODAY. Yes, today the 12th and it's now 12:08 in the morning on the 13th- CRAP!

See what life has been like?? Jeesh! Not boring, lol. Anywhoo, back to that list of STUFF that has made my cup overfloweth recently:

-Tossed husband. CHECK
(issues on the mend now, but that thought cracked me up, couldn't resist- hehe)

-Dance recital week-two nights of rehearsals and two recitals. T several numbers and B one number. Mom stayed with us for a few nights as a bonus to chaos. CHECK.

-Switched from TW-piece of doodoo-Cable and started DSL. CHECK!

-Workhorse Dell brought back from the dead after near a week of attempts and more than my quota of heavy cussing. CHECK! (due to P-O-S TWCable)

-Shoveled three layers out of the PIT/office, revealing the next 8 or 10 to be removed! CHECK!

-Worked like feinds to catch up three weeks of school lessons completed and attendance not logged due to lack of internet due to POS cable and down network due to crashing Dell due to POS cable!! AAARRRRGGHHH!! CHECK.

-Friend and Premier mom from SC arrived, stayed a few days (too SHORT!) to help train me in the jewelry business. CHECK.

-Near-blind, scared of his own shadow old Benny boy is on calendar to be put to sleep next week and presently in quaranteen. CHECK. (yes, he bit someone...not a good day)

-I discovered yesterday that our yearly Alex's Lemonade Stand to raise funds for Pediatric Cancer Research is THIS weekend, not next month!! So last night and this morning were spent getting cookies, 4 gallons of lemonade and materials ready for an afternoon stand TODAY! Phew! CHECK.

To end on a positive note :-D
*Husband is seeing a counselor to help deal with issues (more later) and has become a new man, an open, willing-to-show emotion man- I'm in SHOCK, but loving it!! If he keeps it up, he may be back home before too much longer.
* DSL is running great and near speeds of the cable even though it is supposed to be 10 times slower.
*I had a great visit with Ms. K, my Premier mom and learned a LOT this week!!
*The little girl Ben bit will be ok, thank the Lord!
*The kids raised $45+ during their 4-hour lemonade stand today! Woohoo!! They will set it up again for Sunday afternoon. Google 'Alex's Lemonade Stand' for more details.
*I just submitted an order to Premier for my training show held earlier this week!! My official 'first' show is tomorrow!!

That about wraps it up. Now I need to get my arse into bed so tomorow I can be prepared for some family visiting and to dazzle some gals into earning themselves some free jewelry!!

Little Heroes

Smiling. Happy. Ready to give their all. Ready to get on that stage and WOW the crowd!

Only a few pics for the moment. Just a teaser for ya!!

Thinking...

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(Kind of like my brain at the moment)

Shhhhh...

Don't read it too loudly...I'm blogging.
Don't repeat this out loud either or it may jinx me for the whole month...I'm blogging.

NaBloPoMo.
Heroes.

Heroes??? I have plenty of people I look up to and would consider heroes but how in the heck am I going to turn that into a month of writing??

Day one down.
Twenty-nine more to go! :-D

What a week!

This week I've done one of the most difficult things of my life. Something I've struggled with for a long time if I "should" do and not until now had I even felt I had a shred of the strength to attempt. Good news is, what I did was a good decision. I feel a calm I haven't known for a long L.O.N.G. time. Amazing.

Hopefully in a few days I can put the whole mess out in the open to start moving past it. My immediate family knows though I need to talk with my grandparents before I can broadcast anything (bear with me). Sorry. I just had to let the world know that despite a grueling week with potential for serious disaster, I feel better and happier than I have in years!

I should have done this YEARS ago!

I've fallen off the bloggy world wagon as there have been some changes around here. I've been feeling much better lately and therefore not like a slug in the chair on the computer every evening! :-D
I started a post about finally trying to face the demons in my head, but I never published it. One day, I'll finish it, but I'll give you the outcome: After few weeks of medication for depression I FEEL GREAT! I am in shock at how "normal" I feel and in totally embarrassed at the same time petrified at how much of the last few years I've spent beating myself up and an emotional train wreck...and I lived like THAT! For years and years!! The thought hit me last week, "I haven't cried for two weeks! OMG! I should have done this YEARS ago!! " So I am enjoying listening to music and not becoming a sap...I sang Whitney Houston's version of I'll Always Love You..the whole THING, not ONE TEAR!! I'm not snapping at the kids as much. I seem to be back to my patience of teaching days years ago. For their sake, I SHOULD have done this years ago. A bonus is it has slightly helped the ADD, just a bit. I can still get distracted faster than mosquitoes attack you in a Carolina swamp, but hey, I'm so excited to feel like a normal person, my erratic attention span is something I can deal with!

One other VERY exciting thing about life right now is I have become an independent distributor for Premier Designs jewelry!! I have loved Premier jewelry for more than a couple years and when we lived in SC I'd hosted and attended home shows, most done by my friend Katrina. We had talked about me joining Premier, but at the time I was working full time+ in transcription, mostly evenings and weekends and felt a loyalty to the service I was working for, I just could not quit. Plus we were not in great financial state at that time, I couldn't afford the start-up or any time off to get a business going. Though I loved the jewelry and friendship it had brought me, I couldn't do it. Fast forward three years later, living in Ohio. I still wear all of my Premier pieces all the time, though when people would ask me about what I was wearing, they'd not heard of Premier. How could people not know of this awesome jewelry and business!! One day I found Katrina on Facebook, "oh my gosh will she remember me??" :-D Haha! Well she did, and we talked about the business. Drum roll......... My samples have arrived, I'm working on some bookings, my training show will be in early June- I am going to share my love of Premier!! I should have done THIS years ago!! I am so excited to be a part of such a wonderful company!! Though I don't consider myself a jewelry lady. yet. Maybe once I get a few shows under my belt...then maybe! :-D

The final "should've done that" is more personal and I can't give details yet. Sorry you don't get any juicy bits or crazy stories until I get a few things worked out. But I can tell you- I've been through it before. More than once. I'm fine. The kids are fine. I'm just finally going to do what needs done. What should have been done. A LONG time ago. Wish me luck. I'll post more later.

Guess who?

Guess who Monster Man studied today in history?? Sorry you have to turn your head, lol.

We can see the light!

At the end of the school-year tunnel--WOOHOOO!! Bright, uplifting rays of sunshine are filling the days and pushing out memories of the gloomy dreary previous months. Kids are anxious for neighborhood baseball games and bikes to consume their days as opposed to history and math lessons.* I'm as excited about approaching summer days as the kids are! Thankfully Monster Man has already completed his required hours, with only a few phonics/language arts lessons left and not quite three weeks of history. He's the tough one to keep focused on lessons with the sunshine peeking in the windows. Just two days ago, Monster Man got himself up, dressed quietly, and was outside riding his bike at 7:25 am! Guess he figured he'd get himself in a couple laps before mom could chase after him with a history lesson! At least he was dressed and had on his helmet! We do take advantage of the front yard swing to read and work in the fresh air. If during the day I "lose" B, she can often be found in the swing with her nose in a book, oblivious to the world around her or that I've called her name loud enough the next county is on alert. B is also nearing the end of her studies, though not as far progress-wise as Monster Man. She should be fulfill her hours by June 1, though will probably take another week after to finish her lessons to the 90% mark. She has been a tough one to keep "interested" in school work this year; her distraction has been a love of Thoroughbred series, Spiderwick, Goosebumps, Mostly Ghostly and RL Stein's Haunted series. The difficult task is getting her to turn her love of those books and direct some time and effort into writing about them, writing being her least favorite thing to do of course. Not necessarily book reports, but news articles, interviews, poems about the characters or settings and songs. She loves to sing and will talk your ear off about each story...my job is to get her to WRITE down her ideas. Though I can't complain too much, she has read over 100 books this school year- easily. Not counting the stories she reads to MM every night before bed. She is my bookworm. Now if I could only get math problems out of her as easily! :-D

At any rate, the countdown to summer has begun!


*Formal lessons anyway. Both kids always help cook, shop and do daily activities around the house in which math and problem solving skills are practiced incognito-hehehe.

Sweet

The NaBloPoMo theme for this month- "sweet" The only thing that comes to mind is that pathetic Splenda commercial where everyone thinks/says "Sweet" after tasting something made with that chemical crap. I have a few choice S-words for Splenda and "sweet" isn't even close. I'll take my fat and calories DIRECLTY from the source, thanks...pass the sugar.

Though, I'll be a sport and play along. At least for the first day of this challenge.

Wouldn't it be sweet if:
-the sun could shine everyday??
-Monster Man would show his well-behaved non-ornery side for just a few extra minutes a day?? (total 5 is all I'm askin' here)
-in this lifetime I could get my arse into those size 10's?? (hell, I'll take 12's at this point)
-Kitty cat Elwood would stop pissing in random places in the basement!!
-Mr. FixIt would hit the lottery, buy me a big chunk of land so I could let kids and critters roam??
-B could get those pesky multiplication facts to sink in and "click"...she's been trying SO hard!
-I could actually blog EVERY day and finally get through a Nablopomo??

Those wouldn't be sweet....those would ROCK!

Great day for Towpath ride!

Beautiful day! B more than ready to get back to the trails. No more training wheels for Monster Man, and a minor starting off accident didn't deter him too much. Thankful for the elbow and knee pads...a little flip over the handlebars, banged shoulder with road rash builds character. Let's ride!

Whirlwind week-
B testing 3 mornings, MonsterMan testing my strength, rainy cold days to start the week, BUT
I am feeling much better now!! WOW!! (more later)

Testing, testing....
Checking out mobile blogging and how it posts.
Can you read me now?? :-D
Ang

Friday Fun

Friday Fill-In from Janet

1. Join me in _enjoying the warmer weather, even if it is only for a few days!

2. Put a little _kid in your day!

3. Happiness is _the kids playing nicely while enjoying my morning coffee on the swing on a warm summer morning.

4. _Trying to overcome being overwhelmed, negative_ and confused.

5. I'm waiting for _warm days in the sun at the lake!

6. _Temptation_ is hard to resist. (hehe, sorry couldn't help it)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to Mr. Fixit getting back home, tomorrow my plans include _cleaning out the garage ___ and Sunday, I want to _work on uploading new pics from spring break!

Whew!

Whirlwind weekend turned into whirlwind WEEK! I'm home. I'm beat. I have 287 loads of laundry to do and week-old dishes on the counter...thankfully rinsed at least. I still have bags in my truck and 150+ pics to download. I'm going to pull a Scarlet on all that stuff...I'll think about those tomorrow.
Right now, I'm going to crash in my comfy bed with Mr. FixIt snoring the shingles off the roof and two very-happy-we're-home kitty cats snuggled under my arm. Ahhhh. Good to be home.

When? Why??

I can't win. Try to be educated and inform, I'm a bitch. Try to be compassionate and give heads up, I'm 'making things up.' Try to give advice I'm a horrible parent and not worthy of passing on my experience.
I am NOT PERFECT AND WILL NEVER BE, I am my own WORST CRITIC AND know my faults.
When is it my turn to be right or worth a shit? I don't get it.

When does my opinion get to be "better"? I never give advice without being asked. I always try to be positive. I am not a hurtful person.

According to one, one that really does count, I make things up, think I am perfect, and am a horrible mother. I'm far from being a role model mother- the genes to yell and scream are deep within and I fight that everyday and don't always win that battle. My kids know this. They've never heard me yell without shortly after hearing apology or explanation. They also know they will NOT be raised as spoiled brats and they are NOT in charge. In fact in being upset over this very matter one just said to me, "but momma you don't want us to grow up bad and mean. You do that for us to be good."

I have been accused of not standing up for what I feel. I have been told to 'grow a backbone' Well my backbone has been starting to emerge, and I've been repeatedly criticized and called on for trying to show it. I'm wrong, no matter the issue. My opinion can be voiced, but cannot be believed. There is only one opinion that matters.

Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I won't ever be right or worthy. Why do those we love the most throw the sharpest daggers??

Wiiiiiiiiiii!!

What a hysterical evening!
Just played the Wi with my mom for about two hours. We cracked up and laughed ourselves into tears and pounding headaches- what a blast! Even the silly games on Wii Play, laser hockey and shooting had us into giggling, snorting fits of laughter at our mistakes and screw ups. Playing with the kids is one thing, but playing the Wii with your parents?? Priceless!! If you have the chance or ability, I suggest you try it PRONTO!!

I needed that!

What a glorious sunny day! Started out a bit chilly for Palm Sunday Mass, but by the time we were back home to change clothes and head back out, it was very comfy in the upper 60s. Yes!!

The afternoon started out shopping with mom while dad bonded with his newest four-legged grandchild. She only barked at him initially then realized Grandpa=food nearby. :-D He put Lucy in his truck and ran errands, cut and loaded some wood, stopped at work, then brought her up to the barn. Mom of course was not thrilled he brought Lucy with him, though I was secretly happy to introduce her to the barn. She needs as much people and animal socialization as a puppy that we can give her. Dad did keep her on the leash and out of the barn to start off; she did growl slightly to Mr. E and a couple others though didn't pay much attention to either horses or cats. An older dog also visiting was greeted eagerly as I think she was missing Ben. After some adjustment time to sounds and smells, Dad walked her through the barn, and Lucy seemed kind of interested in those mammoth new 'friends' behind the wooden doors, but not bothered or afraid. She'd never been around horses before so I didn't want her barking up a storm and causing fuss and stress. No barking. So far, so good. After another hour or so we let her off the leash and with training collar on, she played with the other dog and the kids outside the barn, lazed in the warm sun, chewed on some hoof trimmings at the barn door and didn't seem to be bothered by horses and people walking by, even a few of the NEW-to-her people. Which shocked me as she is very non-trusting of anyone, growling and sometimes barking at any new face until she's been around them a few times. She will gradually work her way to you, eventually wagging tail and not growling, to finally getting close and letting you pet her after a few visits, but the first time?? Don't dare reach to pet her. Going after her and trying to make friends only makes her more uneasy and she will bark. I attribute that to boxer and mastiff temperament combined with the horror of neighbor kids running full tilt, screaming at her, arms flailing the first two or three times we had her outside- completely freaked her out at 12 weeks old. Needless to say when at the barn I was shocked when a new-to-her person walked up to the barn, she sat up from her sunny lounge spot and licked the guy's hand with her tail wagging as he passed her. WHAT?? Dad even hollered, "Did you see that??" Um, yeah and I don't believe it! Wow- maybe she's growing out of some of that fear. Not that I want her to trust EVERY new person of course, but was pleasantly surprised she was accepting of a person who obviously belonged "with us."

So, the remainder of the evening we cleaned up Reefie and Golaith, were able to pet the new foal (week old !), groom his mamma a bit and visit with Mr. E and Ms. A at the same time. You can tell spring is upon us by looking at the barn floor- piles of winter hair from using the shedding tools and curry brushes. Like a mulit-color fluffy snow in and around the barn. Long hair strings from detangling and pulling manes and tails were played with by the barn cats and carried away by birds eager to finish spring nests. After the equine beasts were groomed, watered and put away, we sat our filthly selves outside the barn in the fading sunlight while the kids ran in the fields 'being horses' to expunge the last of their energy.

Aaahhhhh. A couple hours of tiring barn therapy and warm sun were JUST what I needed.

Whirlwind weekend!

West by God Virginia is where I'm headed!!

Draggin my kids, dog, and a truck load of crap to my parents house for a few days...hehehe!!

Looking forward to some warmer temps, a week-old foal at the barn, grooming some very fuzzy horses shedding out their winter coats, eating some awesome seafood at Back Bay- oh yeah, visiting my parents :-D

Wish me luck!

Ugh

I was going to write a post on ER and how much I'll miss it after being my favorite show, the only "thing" consistent for 15 years, but something isn't right. I had about two paragraphs of total boringness...DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. I'm not in a very good mood so far today possibly due to the morning has just sucked- already.

-I didn't tell Mr. FixIt good-bye this morning. He kissed me and said he was headed downstairs but I couldn't wake up enough to actually say anything. That bugs me.

-I slept later than normal and when my sister called, and woke me up, I could not get to a phone in time since phone by my bed was toast. Grumble.

-I meant to blog about ER last night and didn't. When I did wake up after the phone call I realized this and also because I didn't blog, I blew NaBloPoMo on the second day. Crap.
(but I did clean the kitchen at 11:30, does that count for anything?? )

- Auntie Flo who dropped in late last night- she makes me flippin' bonkers.

-It's raining. Again. Can I skip the April showers part and move straight to May flowers??

-

Growing Up Bloggy

Before my April NaBloPoMo status goes down in flames before it even gets started, I better get something hashed out here. As I opened up the editor, I had two thoughts clashed in my pea brain, growing up and blogs. Hmmm, our kids are growing up amidst a world of people venting frustrations, explaining concepts, displaying news, illustrating craft ideas and keeping in touch among a bazillion other topics in easy to find blogs. Wow- should that be scary or just plain cool!? What would we have done with blogs as kids?? Who the heck knows- we didn't even have computers, much less internet access. What about other nifty gadgets we take for granted- bluetooth?? Wireless?? Cool phones and fun apps to go with them?? Texting?? Facebook?! My kids are growing up seeing MY childhood friends' kids in pictures and stories with genuine interest and care, thinking of these people as extension of their own family and friend circle- even if they have never met in person and may never see them in real life. Just a few more branches of extended family. As a child, I never knew any of my mom's school friends' families. How much more would I have learned about my mom if I'd known and really understood the "kids" she worked, played and hung out with?? I just think it's awesome I can keep in touch with friends I've known for 20 or 30 years, sharing similar life joys and difficulties!! I am shocked by my kids' true interest in my past buddies and their families, saying things like, "who's that? I have a shirt like that! oh I played soccer too! She likes horses like me!" and on and on. Wow- positive ideas. Not a bit of negativity, hate or jealousy present.
We often hear buzz that all this modern need to be "connected" and instant contact with texting and social web sites could be negative as impersonal socialization and feeding the monster of instant gratification and may one day be out of control. Maybe it is bad...but maybe, just maybe all this connection can help foster some compassion and sharing in our kids that will stick with them far into adulthood.

Stitches and spring fever.

What do they have in common?
Two recent highlights at our house.

Stitches- Pup was spayed Thursday at the bargain cost of $250. Ouch! Post surgery she's not "supposed" to play and romp or run up the stairs or jump on the bed. Yeah, RIGHT! She stayed downstairs for the first few hours home, but that evening she was upstairs napping on my bed when I got out of the shower. Hmph. Thankfully she still sleeps in her cage at night. One activity I can keep her from is romping with the neighbor dogs, especially her best buddy next door. Normally they play at least once a day, three or four times on weekends. Keeping them apart -absolute torture. Lucy is driving me batty barking, whining and near busting my doors down trying to get outside. The neighbor dog barks incessantly for her every time she is outside -poor thing, she just wants to play. Neither one understands a good romp in the yard has the potential for pain and bleeding or ripped out stitches. I've taken Lucy out for just some fetch a few times a day to keep her from going stir crazy. Getting her back into the house without detouring to the neighbor's is not easy. Will be a race to see if I can get her safely to the end of the week with doors and stitches intact!

Spring fever- Nice weather last week was awesome! Mixed some potting soil around my flower beds to prepare for planting next month. Also built up the soil around my sprouting tulips and irises then covered with a layer of mulch since the 60s temps were going to drop below freezing again, which it did, with two mornings of snow to boot. YUK! Back up to 50s today but who knows how long THAT will last. Sunny and beautiful outside, I just wish the temps would reflect that! Trees don't even have buds on them yet, and I'm getting my flower beds prepared?? Cruel sunshine the first days of spring always get me psyched up for what's ahead...then it snows again. AARRGGHH!!! Took some frustration out on two old shrubs that needed dug up. Huge roots to chop away at- dig, chop, dig, chop and chop some more. Oh as a bonus, I uncovered some nesting bumblebees- YAY. They were huge but thankfully only crawling. What I didn't manage to kill were crawling back into the dirt. Planting flowers next month could get interesting! :-D

Mr. FixIt

Here's a chance to see how well you really know your husband. Cut, paste and fill in the answers, then forward . . . shoot, you know what to do. The real challenge is to send it to your husband to see how right you really are.
Of course my thought is "if I didn't know him, I'd not have married him," but anywho... have another survey! :-D

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? History channel or Discovery

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch

3. What's one food he doesn't like? Sausage patties (links are good)

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order? Water or beer or both

5. Where did he go to high school? Crooksville HS

6. What size shoe does he wear? 10

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? I want to say useless junk/spare parts/extra pieces to various cars/machines/tools, but I'll say guns.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Turkey with lots of veggies

9. What would this person eat every day if he could? pizza or homemade popcorn

10. What is his favorite cereal? Reese Puffs

11. What would he never wear? A skirt?? I dunno?

12. What is his favorite sports team? Penn State

13. Who did he vote for? Same person I did.

14. Who is his best friend? neighbor and my BIL

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Probably snore. Fix chili that kills his stomach. Put my cold feet on him. Keeping a trillion critters. The list goes on-

16. What is his heritage? English and a little German back there

17. You make him a cake for his birthday; what kind? Cheese cake

18. Did he play sports in high school? yes

19. What could he spend hours doing? playing bubble breaker on his phone

20. What is one unique talent he has? He can sing, really well, but he doesn't very often. He can belt out a Keith Whitley song (most any of them) on his own and I'm a blubbering, sobbing puddle on the floor.

I'm not sending this to Mr. FixIt to check. I've known him since the 6th grade...I think I got it.

Three Things

As I have completely dropped the ball with my blog, I need to do something!! Not much to write about anyway except school/mom/daily boringness... so here you go, a survey!

Three Things

THREE NAMES I GO BY

1. Mom/momma
2. Ang
3. Angie (Grandma T is one of few that calls me this)

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE

1. Elementary teacher
2. Medical transcriptionist
3. MOM- My most important one!

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED

1. Crooksville, OH
2. Breman, KY
3. Goose Creek, SC

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH

1. American Idol
2. ER
3. The View

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN

1. Isle of Palms, SC
2. Vancouver, BC Canada
3. Lashmeet, WV

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO

1. Back to the beach in SC!!
2. Rome
3. Australia (me too Deb!)

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS

1. Mark's steak or chops on the grill- OMG awesome!
2. Homemade chili
3. Grandma's recipe sour cream chocolate cake

THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO

1. Summer!! (ditto x100)
2. Dropping a jean size- AT LEAST!
3. Going back to contacts soon- strictly glasses for a couple years now.

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED

1. Rabbits.
2. Snakes.
3. Rat.

THREE FRIENDS WHO WILL REPLY

1. Whoever
2. has
3. time.

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/ ARTISTS

1. Harry Connick, Jr.
2. Joss Stone
3. Nickelback

THREE FAVORITE TEAMS TO WATCH

1. Indians
2. John Force racing!
3. Ohio State football

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS

1. Very sweet red wine
2. Di Saronno or Maker's Mark ( I couldn't pick)
3. Sweet Tea

Friday Fill-In

I actually caught another one! Whoa! Don't fall over!
Join in on Friday Fill-Ins from Janet.

1. I'm extremely blessed, I'm a tad nuts, I still long for warm weather and sunshine!!

2. Why do I have _the metabolism I do and not like my sister's??

3. How does this __ getting older thing_ work, anyway?

4. Every morning, I put _deodorant _ on my _pits_.
(what?? - did you want "clothes on my butt" or "shoes on my feet"?? )

5. I consider myself lucky because I have a husband who loves me!

6. One day we’ll see if the husband ever gets the basement finished. :-D

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a surprise B-day party, tomorrow my plans include attending a dance competition and Sunday, I want to relax and be a bum!

Boat drinks

Oh yeah, that's a Buffett-style house pina colada with dark rum floating on the top.

Yes, it was really yummy!

Mr. FixIt arrived home from Puerto Rico, WITH fresh and special reserve Bacardi in tow-YES, and promptly took us all to one of my fav places for an early birthday celebration. Cheeseburger in Paradise. Awesome food. Not too expensive either.

On the way, I found a birthday bonus:

SONIC!!

"OMG- SONIC!! OVER THERE!!" I yelled when I saw it on our way to Cheeseburger in Paradise and Mr. FixIt said, "Uh oh. Do we need to change dinner plans??" No, no. I'll try to contain myself. The kids were as estatic as I was jumping up and down near busting their seat belts-woohoo!! Told Mr. FixIt I'd restrain myself and force myself to pass it by, since I'd been looking forward to a boat drinks outing with some crab and spinach dip appetitzer for weeks, so I wasn't going to change now...but man was it tempting! Sonic! It's here! Woohoo!!! No more torture from Mon and my sister--hehehe. I have my own sonic nearby!! They text me every time they visit Sonic near their homes just to rub it in so of course as we passed it by, I texted them the good news!! I can't wait for a Sonic #1 and some tater tots!!

High School '91

I didn't do a Friday Fill-In this week so you get this, LOL.

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school. The longer ago it
was, the more fun the answers will be! REPORT with name of high school and
graduating year in the title box. Send this to all your friends, but
don't forget to send it back to me.

Crooksville 1991


1. Did you date someone from your school? Yes.

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? Yes.

3. Did you car pool to school? Not always. I sometimes dropped off Misti a few times after ball practice, play practice, etc. I was lucky to get myself there, I didn't have time to pick anyone up, LOL.

4. What kind of car did you have? Started off with the Granada, ended up with grandma's old '78 Caddy. Remember the yellow boat??

5. What kind of car do you have now? 2003 Yukon

6. Its Friday night..where were you then? playing in the band at the football game, or pep band for basketball game, or playing softball.

7. It is Friday night...where are you now? home usually, some Fridays we go out for dinner

8. What kind of job did you have in high school? Only worked summers other than babysitting, worked at the Pool and the Ice Cream Station (Supertwist)

9. What kind of job do you have now? Mom, teacher, laundry lady, maid, cook, zoo keeper...oh, job for pay?? Transcriptionist, ChaCha guide, occasional freelance editing

10. Were you a party animal? not really, no time. Here and there in college, but still worked near full-time so NO time! Though there was this one night, several friends, and a hefty Halloween decoration....

11. Did you play any sports? Softball, and I consider marching a sport! Mr. B made you work! :-D

12. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir? All but choir.

13. Were you a nerd? pretty much

14. Did you get suspended or expelled? No, or my dad would have killed me.
Though I did get my only detention from Mr. Rodgers, ROFL! Yes, for slinking into first period late or at the bell, LOL.

15. Can you sing the fight song? of course, but I can play it better than sing it

16. Who was/were your favorite teacher(s)? Well of course Mr. and Mrs. Rodgers!! :-D I didn't really have a favorite. Only two I can think of I tried to avoid.

17. Where did you sit during lunch? At a table, lol.

18. What was your school's full name? Crooksville High School

19. When did you graduate? 1991

20. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Yes, because life was WAYY easy!

21. If you could go back and do it again, what would you change? Probably have a little more fun. Try to not be so bothered by "not good enough" in school (thanks, dad)

22. Did you have fun at Prom? yes

23. Do you talk to the person you went to Prom with? Not regularly, but have a few times online in the last couple years.

24. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? If someone else even remotely close to my age goes, I'll go. :-D

25. Do you still talk to people from school? yes - have sporadically over the years, but much easier with MS and FB