Confused

Been a 'blah' few days, well make that weeks/months. I'm stuck in what I think I should do, what I want to do, what I think I need to do. * Ugh. I am horrible at making decisions for normal daily things- this is like torture. I usually think of the positives for every outcome...this time I can only think negatives of the choices I have.

*I have the back story in a prior note, yet unpublished. Every time I work on it and start to publish it, something stops me. I don't know why. So if none of this makes sense, I apologize. I'm getting it out and off my chest in chunks. I just have yet to post the worst portions.

I really don't want to be alone, but I'm my best on my own. Or at least I have been- I've been alone so much of the past decade and a half, those are my most productive times!
I don't want the kids to be upset, but I know they are resilient and will adjust.
I don't want to break off a long marriage, but I can't live always wondering what's happening behind my back.
I don't want to seem I'm giving up, but I feel I've given way too many chances and too much time to a lost cause already.


His weekly therapy was going well since I made him move out middle of May, and we were talking more for a month or so than we had in years--until I told him I wanted him to move back home. After a few weeks being home, he's back to clam-up mode. He did talk with the therapist about filling me in on details which I wanted to know (him not telling me is like still lying, continued denial- he could at least finally tell me the truth). Well two weeks after he worked through the 'details talk' with the therapist to have with me, nothing. I debated asking a question to start the conversation several times, but why should I?? Ok, yes, I'm being stubborn by not initiating the conversation. So he only has to be truthful when I drag it out of him?? Fuck that. He can be a big boy and pony up to all this crap over the years on his own. Well, it hasn't happened yet, though he KNOWS exactly that he needs to get this out and over with. I'm feeling I made a mistake letting him come back home. He helps with the kids. He helps with the house. He's not helping me- he's still not being honest with me. Nothing can be 'worked on' or 'fixed' until everything is on the table. Who, when, where- Is that too much to ask??

Stuffed Pepper Soup

Rainy and cold here in NE Ohio lately- YUK! Weather more reflective of chilly spring makes perfect opportunity for some Stuffed Pepper Soup, which I have to thank my mom for passing on the recipe. Very easy, yummy enough that my picky child will even eat it!

1 to 2 lbs browned ground lean meat
--I use 2 lbs because we like it meaty! I've used beef, turkey and venison- all good!
2-3 diced green peppers
1/2 to 1 diced onion
--saute peppers and onions in pan with browned meat
Dash of salt and pepper
1 large can of tomato sauce + 1/2 to 1 can water
--if you want to make a large batch to fill a dutch oven/stew pot, add another large can of tom sauce and water, another diced pepper and a quarter to half onion
1 cup spaghetti sauce (mom adds this, but I add a couple shakes of Italian seasoning and pinch of garlic instead unless I have plain spag. sauce leftover.)

Heat to easy boil, then turn back and simmer until ready to eat!

Five minutes before serving, add 1-2 cups of minute rice (2-3 cups if making huge batch) though truthfully, most of the time I totally forget the rice! Ha!

This soup is very good with some white corn chips or cornbread. Mr. FixIt likes to throw some corn in it and about half the rice when he's making dinner.

This recipe is so easy to fit what you have on hand. You can use fresh peppers and onions diced up or you can use bagged frozen ones if you are in a time crunch. I've even used dried onion flakes from the Amish market when totally out of onions. You can also use one large can tomato juice and not add any water in place of tomato sauce. Depends on how thick/thin/tomato-y you like it. Either way you fix it, the whole house smells like yummy stuffed peppers but you don't get any complaints, "MOOOOOOM, I hate the big PEPPERS!" Hehehe!

Enjoy!!

Little helper

Beautiful day to clean up the bikes! This is part of what Monster Man and I did on Friday while B was at horse camp. Pulled out both bikes, washed and got them ready for weekend ride. Though yesterday was rainy and cruddy, and I was out of town anyway, today has some serious potential! Ride anyone??

--Side note- I took this pic with my phone and sent it to my dad- knew he'd be proud of the little man helping out with the motorcycles. The comical part was dad had to go to the phone store to get a new case for his phone, the clerk said, you have something on here a message, and dad told her he didn't know what it was so she opened it for him to view- LMAO!! Dad and technology do mix!

Great day for Tow Path ride!

What a great afternoon for a bike ride! Not too hot, just sunny with slight breeze. Five miles was the course for today. Of course at the turn around, Monster Man wanted to keep going, then as soon as we turned...'my legs are tired!'